KR zingers? =3

Alright, so, my DM for the gestault d&d game I'm in right now and I were having a conversation. We were discussing the creation of "prestige class: b****" for another player, and came up with the skill "Crit: Insult," which included the following zingers:

"Your mom must have really botched your ability rolls!"

"I'm thankful for my constitution bonus EVERY time I look at your face"

"You don't even *need* a dex modifier to get into her bed"

.... ad nauseum.

But then I started thinking... What about KR zingers? We've got a great system, I'm sure we could defile it by thinking of crass insults! So, here's what I've got so far:

"Eeesh, how'd you land him as a boyfriend? Befriend animal?"

"Every time you attempt to be clever, everyone within hearing distance takes a Despair."

"It's a good thing you took Quickbind... otherwise you'd NEVER get laid!"

and finally,

"I'd love to have a conversation with you, but Detect Traps doesn't work on passive-aggressivity."

If looks could kill, your face would be a Slay.

It's a shame Basic Disguise can't hide smells.  Otherwise, you might have a social life!

"Almighty Enax here my pr-- GOOD GAIA WHAT IS THAT!?!?!  Your face was a successful interrupt!"

Your presence in Travance is depriving some village of its idiot.

Not even a paladin would Lay Hands on you.

Not even a paladin would Lay Hands on you.

haha best yet

Your NPC shift is over, you can take the mask off.

Is that a prescription helmet, and do you ride the blue caravan to school?

Is that pie on your face?

Thanks Mike!

Calm down. No need to battle cry about it.

Tom: Brilliant lay on hands joke! Mad brownie points. 
and now, more from me:


You call that foreplay? It was more like Contact Sleep Poison.

Your logic must have taken Tracking Evasion, because I can't follow it at all.

I'd eat your cooking... but I already expended my use of Resist Poison to give you a handshake.

(and this one's just for you, Balthier:)

You're a gigolo? Really? But I thought the goods had to be worthwhile to count as Luxury!

That shirt is so loud, even a gypsy would find it tacky.

your odor is so foul, showering in skunk spray would be an improvement.

Let's put it this way.  If you were the last man/woman on earth, the species would end.

say it, don't cast a tsunami

Let's put it this way.  If you were the last man/woman on earth, the species would end.

What is this "earth" you speak of?  I thought we were on Arawyn.

"It's a good thing you took Quickbind... otherwise you'd NEVER get laid!"

That's not true... Waylay would also work.

Argh!  What do you use in your cooking, Crippling Nausea Poison?

It takes some Courage and an Athletic Feat to get in bed with HER!

I'm sorry, but there's no possible way to Overlook that face.

I'm sorry, but there's no possible way to Overlook that face.

HA! Oh, I really like that one. 

(HT to the Honeymooners)

I call you killer because you overreach slay me.

Kane FTW!
I was waiting for someone to use overreach slay.

*whamnutshotwham* "Owww... does anybody have tracking? I think one of my balls rolled that way!"

I'm not sure if you can track something that small...

Zing

You had me at Waylay.

Arn't we Mr. Lore-it-all?

Arn't we Mr. Lore-it-all?

See, Charlie, we're always thinking of you!

Arn't we Mr. Lore-it-all?

See, Charlie, we're always thinking of you!

And Volk.

your mothers so fat she fell in to the rift and got stuck

You fail to meet the entry qualification for the Guard as your parents were married.

your mothers so fat she fell in to the rift and got stuck

Ah, finally, a "yo mamma" joke. I can die happy. 

To follow suit:

Your momma's so ugly, her face is a Fear effect.  Even Thomas Ahlman ran away from her.

I tried to stay away from this, but what the hey...

In honor of Danny... "Hey I hear your mom is doing much better since all the men of Travance each donated an organ to her last night."
"Your momma so ugly, she was a guard at the Inverted Tower."
"Your momma so ugly, they gave her a middle name...'accident'."
"Your momma so old, she recalls when the Rift was a ditch."